From the Archives: Homeland

*From the Archives is a series of blog posts taken from my old blog, Young Limbs and reposted here. This post was originally written on June 10, 2014.

Last year I went through a sort of existential crisis. This isn't uncommon for me, I've been having existential crises since I was about five because I'm really curious about the afterlife and just about what everything means, dude. 

Anyway, it kind of just hit me that I will never get to experience high school again. Unless of course I return as a bored middle-aged art/English teacher, which I have in fact thought about because being a teacher seems easier than anything else I'm trying to do right now. 

When I think about high school I only think about the first three years. After year nine, I moved schools and lived with my aunt for a year. I had to grow up and mature a lot. I got my first job at KFC, practically the bane of my existence at that time. I had to buy my own things, deal with my own problems and look after myself. I was an only child for the first time in my life, and I felt so alone without my friends and family. Everything seemed unfamiliar and when I reflect upon that time in my life, all I see is a dark shade of blue and a girl sitting in front of her laptop 24/7 (not much has changed, let's be honest...) waiting for someone to come online. 

The first three years of my high school experience were tough and at times really, really frustrating, but they were also fun. I was really unhappy just before I left but now as I'm getting older, I keep questioning whether I was actually depressed or just being a *~moody teenage girl~*. Regardless, I still consider my time there special. I look back fondly through rose coloured glasses as I've subconsciously blocked out all of the bad things that happened. There are many memories that I hold so close to me because (*~clichΓ© teenage profound statement here~*) I was experiencing so many new emotions and events for the first time.

While I was having my existential crisis last year, I really needed to go back to my childhood home and town and capture all of those memories that currently only exist in my head. Recreating these memories brings a lot of comfort to me because now they are documented and I can share them visually as well as verbally in the future. I was inspired by the beautiful May Xiong to create cinematic-like images. May's images are amazing and she has this knack for capturing light in the most beautiful of ways. When I reflect on my memories, I see everything as though someone with a camera was following me. I'm never truly just a set of eyes, which probably says a lot about my self-esteem.

The four images I'm sharing with you today are memories of my childhood, sneaking into the basketball courts in the high school next door to my house. I would play in there often with my younger brother and our dog's, especially during our summer holidays. We would climb through this hole in the fence, it's probably been like that for at least ten years. I also used to go there whenever I was feeling sad or angry. Our house was quite small so whenever I needed space I would just take my netball and practice my goal shooting for a while until I felt better.